AGAINST EMO?

Im giving myself headaches with questions firing in my head at ultra speed.
Myuk is joining the team in the "NO EMO" campain.
Bloody hell.
Whats wrong with emo?
Why is everyone against them?
Though im not a 100% emo in music, style, psychological thinking wise, i still think theres no wrong in being an emo.
Some ppl may think that emos have low EQs.
Whatever, think deeper into the situation.
Like theres no wrong in being a goth, punk, skater or retro person.
I mean not all these together.

Isnt keeping silent a way to avoid trouble?
Is it a crime too?

July's a rough month to pass by.
I think i stepped on a lot of wrong stones again.
But i have no idea why.
Sb PLEASE be there to hold me up when i trip and fall.

Though it seems like im more hardworking in studies in this semester, i think my results will go downhill instead.
My mind's not in it.
And i actually wrote somewhat a real situation for compo today, but the thing is, when it is real, the harder to write it down.
Just like the "poems" i wrote in P6.
Suck like hell, more like a lil girl in desperate situation.

I love my mum.
Actually i wanna walked all the way from my house to TM.
Break some guinness record of mine.
But the shoe that im wearing was killing me.
So i hitched a ride from ikea.

Met up with ML.
Lazy window shop.
Can you believe i will TRY not to buy any clothes from now til the nov holi?
Will i have the perserverance?
Saw Rachel.

We went to a shop when the shoplady was telling this pair of teen girl:
"Eh xiao jie (ms), pai zao yao huan liang kua (take photo must pay $2)!
And point to the sign.
Cause this girl wore the eyeglasses and took photo with her friend using the mirror.
A very typical thing to do.
The shoplady knew our way.
Then the teen girl tried to say that she no money to pay and so on.
ML kept staring at them til i pulled her away.

Went to browse through some mag at Times.
Then i recalled sth.
Yesterday when i met my couz, she was reading Kerrang!, flipped to this page where a female was wearing this pink undies, advertising for the usage of condoms to prevent diseases.
And inside the mag, got FOB.
Pete is such a hottie.
You should see the pic.
Hes licking a melting ice cream.
Hes hot enough to melt the ice cream.
Maxim cover girl is Hilary Duff.
So i flipped through.
Eh boring one...
A lot of celebs are getting aneroxic.
The "in" thing huh?
And Brit is getting out of control again.
Stripping to her undies and bra in public beach.

Back home, i had blisters on my feet.
Slight bleeding.
I should have wore sth else.

These days im having weird eating habits.
I will eat breakfast, no recess, no lunch, snacks in afternoon, dinner, supper.

I just watched this mtv where the ending is real sweet.
Will i witness it in real life?

PS. anybody interested in watching a video taking the process of neck piercing?

(ignore the stripes)
The thingy me and my couz did.
Quite childish lah, the thing.
LOL.

Her friend thought we were sisters since both our names have "jia".
And she was er.... shocked by the cam?

Paranoid.
Good or bad?

Crashed my cousin's lecture class today at Temasek Poly.
Accompany the others for lunch and buy presents first.
Then meet Jia Xin.
Shes gonna be my tour guide.
Well, the system of poly is still very confusing to me.
As theres not enough time to buy lunch, we went straight to her class.
It was weird.
I mean i felt very weird as im not one of the students there.
Actually i could camouflage with the ppl since im in my own clothes.
Ppl can come in slippers, shorts since the lecture is for a while.
It was bout how to use Adobe photoshop, Illustarter, Free-sth.
I was like, HUH?!?
I did not know how i survived the whole thing when in school, 3 hrs of macromedia flash made us complained like hell.
But the lecturer dont care if ppl eat, watch youtube or whatsoever.
The girl beside me was addicted to watching this korean mocking opera thingy.
She was laughing to herself.
And all of them wanna watched The Simpsons trailer thingy.
The leacturer asked mii why am i sharing the comp.
I was like =O
But dont know if he recognized me as not one of his students or not.
Scary.
After that, continued exploring her school.
Went to eat at the canteen that i went before last yr.
The school was mega.
We exited through the gate that was beside Bedok Resovoir (whatever).
The metal thingy after drilling.
Nar relax, its not real. Its just a kind of advertisement pasted on a clinic's floor.

Tell myself to take it easy.
Take it easy.
Its no big deal.
I can take it.
Theres nothing to blame.
Just tell myself to look away.

I thought today will be a boring day.
But i was wrong.
Chinese class was indeed boring as there were no fooling around.
Chewing gum was caught in maths.
I think half of the class ate the chewing gum before but only a few ppl confessed.
"Star caught for eating chewing gum."
LOL.

Supposed to have history test after school but no tchr came to distribute the paper.
A lot of ppl were frustrated, hungry and lethargic.
The tension in the class was real high.
Then Jasper had one of his tempers again.
And sth happened.
We were all shocked.
Open-mouthed.
W.O.W
We ended up with DM invigilating us.
I pity Ms Zahra for having to deal with such class.
I cant concentrate on the paper.

Life Science was back to normal.

I just feel weird.
Even though my results for Napfa is pretty good.
I just dont feel happy.
But i think i know why.
And Estalla, dont envy me.
Nobody envies me.
Is the other way 'round.

Jolyn called in sick today.
I was mostly quiet this morning since the others are talking to others.
Its not meant for me to join in.

But chinese lesson was hilarous.
Stupid mosquito sound.
And bluetooth incident.

Jasper and Justin were being horny before Napfa.
But i didnt go Napfa, yeah.
Dance.
It was stressing since other classes were conducting shuttle run not far from us.
My fingers were cold.
Face red & hot.
And eyes red due to yellow light in hall.
(I looked like i cried)
I wasnt concentrating much.

Back home i lost my appetite.
And just couldnt concentrate on studying.
I think im getting slight panic attack.

Oh ya i still rmb last year's Napfa clearly.
Estalla knew why.
We talked bout it today.

Sigh. Cross my heart and hope tomorrow will be a better day.
The muscles of our time
Late is better than not showing up.
Used to is better than nothing.
I should be satisfied.
I should be.

I am "dumped".
SH has a new target.

"Are you married, Amira?"
Thats what Mr Lai said to Amira today 'cause of her heena.

I heard before how violent Jeremy is when he's angry.
But i only witness it today.
Woah.
Poor Ka Lun.

I kept saying that i have a strong feeling of knowing how the english tchr looked like when he was young.
Its really really very strong.

I dont like facing reality.
But i force myself to.
One part of me is like, "FACE REALITY!"
Another part of mii is screaming, "FUCK YOU! I WANT MY OWN WORLD BACK!"
So im torn.
The battle.
That explains my partially dazed mood most of the time.
Like half dead.
Zombies.

No more privacy for 2 months.





SATURDAY (BALLET UNDER THE STARS or rain)

Mum took one of my fav top for my sis to wear.
Damn shit.
What's she gonna take next?
My b and u?

Met Alster first, and then Pamela & Rachel.
Bought some food for the "picnic" later.
So here we go.

And yeah we had to climb up the hill.
Cause its FORT CANNING PARK.
What do you expect?

When we first stepped into the area, i thought we had gotten to the wrong place.
Lil kids were running around, led by either parents or tchrs.
Looked like a funfair/carnival =)
But yes, we had gotten to the correct destination.
Found a place for our lil picnic.
The first few performances were by schools.
Primary, secondary, JCs, you named it.
Next up were ethnic performances.
Not my kind.
Esther, Hui Wen and Audrey came later.

There were STILL no stars out.
Even though there's ballet.
But there's fireworks from the NDP rehearsal.
Ppl were going, "WOAH!" "AH!" "WOO!"
The last 3 performances of ballet were real nice.
There's one part where one of the dancers was injured so the music was played but nobody was dancing.
Slight drizzle.
It is romantic if you come with your beloved one.
I saw couples hugging each other, drinking wine, lying on each other.
Quite a peaceful place too, actually.

After the performance, went to Plaza Sing.
And blah.
I was once again the last to alight, Pasir Ris.
It was back to me and Alster after Pam & Rac alight.
The basic 2.
Criminal Yu Hin And Scout Boy, Dong Kun.
Green Man, Craig.
Where's the class chairman, Jing Yuan?!?
Mr Bikini babe with hairy legs, Dickson.
Cute Sheng Han with two ponytails!

You & I
Me & You
Whatever.

The bus was extremely cold this morning.
And i started to have that weird weird feeling in my heart.
As if all around me, everything was cold, and i dont belong.

Our Dance was the second item in the performance.
Nervous nervous.
Everyone was looking down, anticipating what the hell Dance will do next.
I was trembling once again.

Celine took videos for us.
And everyone gathered around, radiating heat to each other.
So is hot, hot, hot.

Back to class, suddenly i was Sheng Han's "girlfriend" for the day.
Dont know what got into his head today.
And Haziq started joining in the game.
And they started stalking mii.
But after that Haziq was distracted by you-know-what.
The crowd was getting lesser and lesser.
Some of us screamed "AN NA!".

Meet the others for recess.
SH was still stalking mii.
I ate ice pop, which i rmb a "tradition" of my mps friends.
Last time after school, mii and my friends will go to the mama shop at the other side of school to buy ice pop.
20 cents only.
Now 30 cents.

Craig kept taking improntu photos of mii.
Guys like to take photos of girls but not together with the girls.

We made the harmony rag and class flag.
I brought a lot of cloths.
And i did old-grandma sewing.
LOL.
And i drew big big words on SH's arms.
Actually, it will be interesting if i wrote "FUCK FUCK FUCK" on his arms.
But yeah, i dont wanna be the one to tarnish his student counsellor's reputation.

Went WS with Joyceee.
We ate finished the whole packet of sweets each.
J is baking more biscuits!
And we went to shop for the ingredients.
Another day is over.
Back to school and test next week.
Sigh.

7th & 14th July.
The special days.
I almost forgotten.

I cant resist temptation.
Even though its morally wrong.

Sth good will happen when sth bad happens.
And vice versa.
July is a special month for mii.
I dont know what's install for me in the future.
Will everything continues til August?
Sometimes I wonder, am i too uptight?
To ppl like Min Lin, Craig, Kym, Sheng Han, im a damn slacker.
To other ppl, im the one always getting too uptight, and worried bout sth first.
Geez other classes must have thought im a goody-two shoe.
Or a perfectionist.
LOL. How ironic since my own mum thinks that im very dirty, disorganized, careless...
Well, i just dont wanna regret things.

Let me talk bout this incident that happened in P5 in one of my dance performance.
Our costume was this white outfit with sth else.
It was long.
I was bout to get up and i slipped on my costume. (the cloth was really smooth and silky)
I thought i will rip the outfit or sth.
But i managed to get up just fine.
However i heard laughters.
Dont know is it bout me or not.
I will never know.
But its sure embarrassing.

Just now rehearsal, was burning hot.
The school is pathetic.

We are kinda having a trend of calling each other chinese names today.
Like An Na, Zhi Ling, Xuan Qi.
For me, what do you think?
Ask them.

Sth happened & im really very scared.
Trust.
I rmb i used to mention this topic in some earlier post.
If you want to trust sb, you have to take the risk to trust that person.
Betrays, backstabs, liars, are bound to appear.
Maybe you are those ppl who are "once bitten, twice shy".
But you maybe those who will tend to fall into the same hole that has been dug for you long time ago once again.
No matter how much you scrap yourself, injure yourself...
The scar will still remain.

Today morning, took taxi to school.
Father not driving me.
It felt seiously weird to be in another person's taxi alone.
Really very tired these days.
Had to rush to blog.
Wrote this in class when i had inspiaration of what i wanna say.

Recently i read bout cases of bipolar disorder.
Ppl who have dramatic mood swings.
Too hyper.
Too depressed.
Too angry.
Too irritable.
Too much emotions hormones.
Haha.
Life will sure be a rollar coaster ride.
But one that you cant control the speed.
One you cant just say "STOP!"

I rmb values lesson this week was bout internet relay chat and pornography.
The guys got all worked up?
LOL what do you expect from guys?
And sb told mii today that he overheard sb say this,
"I LOVE GIRLS UNDER THE RAIN!"
Or sth like that.
Yeah, see through huh?
Well, girls can also do the same too.
I shall not tell you what i see.
Its a damn secret.

ESTALLA, ELLA, EH EH, UNDER MY ESTALLA, ELLA, EH EH...
Kary's gang painting on his hand.


Dickson was caught with chewing gum in maths lesson today.
LOL i really thought he got it from "a sec 3 girl".
That was what he said.
Then i found its from Kim.
The class was passing around the bottle.
Some of them even passed it to each other by throwing it in the air.
Well i got a portion (i mean 2) of it.
Not bad.
The bottle looked like vitamin bottle containing 1000 capsules.
History tchr sucks.
Test when he didnt even teach anything.
Just like sb said, "Teach nothing, learn nothing."

Dance is really gonna perform on Fri.
Who the hell put us in?!?
We only started preparing today.
Everything changed.
And im kinda confused at times.
And we are gonna wear ballet shoes that day?
Ohhhhh.

And ppl have either watched Harry Potter or gonna watch with other ppl.
Sigh.

In the morning, i had inspiration of what to write in my next post.
Well now, i simply just lost it.
Next time i should write it down.
Or else blog posts will be soooo boring.


Saturday

Lib.
Gym.
With Min Lin.
I tried to train for stamina for the first run.
I spent 20 minutes ++ just working on the 2.4km.
Jogging all the way.
Second time i failed to train for speed.
This was what that kept appearing in my mind all along.
~ CHOCOLATE MILLLLLLLLLLLK ~

Didnt have proper lunch or dinner.

Night.
BIG NIGHT.
Out for supper at 10.
Been waiting for the whoooole night.
Fetched my mum for work and off we go to East Coast.
Nar, no crabs, dickson.
I was starving.
So is the whole family.
We had:
BBQ chicken wings.
Satay.
Pork Chop (Dad's)
Rojak
Coconut water.
Sugar Cane Drink.
BBQ stingray.
Sotong.

I was wolfing down the whole way.

Next up is strolling on the beach.
Saw a lot of couples.
I saw one kissing and quickly turn away.
Not gonna intrude ppl's privacy.
Saw some leaning on each other, holding hands... (its too dark)

Blah blah.
Felt so relaxed, the ocean breeze blowing.
Left at 12.
(the post is getting boring-ier and boring-ier)

SUNDAY

Surprising i still woke up with a growling stomach.
Met Shi Ying at tm.
Yeah if you are wondering who i go out with, ML
We went to the child's corner at the rooftop and talked.
And occasionally there will be soft toys zooming around in the air.
So a word of caution.
We were chased out by the security guard eventually.
So we went to the bench at the water part.
And we talked talked talked talked.
I confessed a lot of things.
But its hard to confess bout the sins ive done.
Hard to get them out of my mouth.
She told mii a lot of her experience with different ppl.
And well, she blessed mii in public before she left for church.
Nar im not ready to accept Jesus Christ, seriously.
But if the time is right, i will consider.

So for the time being, i just wanna explore the world.
I bet if i asked this ques
"Are you happy with the school?"
Most of us will NOT raise up our hands.
Some ppl will give reasons like:
1) no field! no soccer!
2) canteen food sucks.
3) everytime ask us to pay money here and there, think we bank arh?!?
4) school never organize much activities one. sian.

So why stay in this school?
"No choice!"

No offence.






















You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got and remember what you had.
Always forgive, but ever forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret.
People change, things go wrong, but just remember, life goes on.

Saw it at sb's blog.
Sorry for the ripping.

Do you believe in GUARDIAN ANGELS?
They can be anyone in your life.
Your father, your mother, your friend, your sister, your dog, or even your enemy?
You may hate them for intruding into your life, but actually they are there to help you get along with your life.
A gift from God.

I dont know if i have one.
But i know this person.
Who appears in my life when things were all messed up this year.
But when things cleared out, the person disappears too.
Just like the wind.
Blew away.

Things have gotten slightly better.
But...

Last time my tuition teacher said i was more logical-wise rather than street-wise.
But i rather be street-wise.
With street-wise, you can survive on the street longer.
Logical-wise wont get you anywhere.
But i have started to lose this "logical-wise" thingy anyway.

Thanks SBS (not the bus) for the last few days.
And some others.
I cant say this incident has no benefit to mii.
By knocking mii into the wall, you have taught mii more.
But seriously.
It hurts.
Maybe im the one who keeps stabbing my own heart.
No one trys to stop mii.
It has become an addiction.
Like eating disorder.
Just that i dont have that.

Actually life is ironic.
Like, you wanna laugh and cry at the same time, with malice in your eyes.

Sometimes you have to wait for sth to happen to realize sth.
Its like wearing a new pair of specs, but everyone is knocking you down, thus you still cant see anything.

I want to fast forward time, to when i look back to this again, i will laugh.
Laugh at how dumb i am.
Laugh at the things i regret.
Laugh at how i handle things.
Laugh at every single thing.
Til all my breath runs out.

Yesterday in lit, the 7 deadly sins were mentioned.
Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.
I wrote that down when im in p6.
Its still pasted on my wall.
I thought vanity was one of them.
Well, i wont deny i broke every single of them.
Just that in different degrees.
Im not the only one.
All humans are prone to mistakes.
They will somehow or other commit one of the sins.
Thats why the 7 holy virtues are invented.
People are trying to go for purity these days.
To redeem their sins.

"It is more blessed to give than to receive."
Im not gonna be a christian anytime soon.
So no worries.

I shall not mention what happen.
Too many ppl know.
I dont want to add oil into the fire anymore.
I just hope everything's gonna be all right soon.
Let the webs unentangle.
Face it with a neutral attitude.

I will not blame anyone.
What do i have to gain?
Peace to all, is the best to all.

I shall have to prove, to everyone, and to myself that i can do it.
I lack perservance, determination, the striving energy to push myself forward.
I am weak.
Even my mum knows.
Actually i dont know how much she knows bout my life outside home.
And you know what i regretted now?
I regretted making my mum cry when i was a pre-teen.
A rebelious-in-the-mind, fucked-up pre-teen.
But its the past.
No use crying over spilt milk.
Cherish what i have now.
(Dont know is it under the influence of that damn chicken soup book)

Cheers everyone, the sun is gonna come out one day.
Or else i will go find it.
"Given Up" by Linkin Park

Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]

[bridge]
Goddddddd!!!!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
[end bridge]

[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]

(The background music for the advertisement, Live Earth.
before i heard this song, when i saw the adver, i was like, "Hey this song is sooo cool! Screeeeeeaming!")

I guess this is my favourite song in Minutes to Midnight.
Ive been waiting for that album for the whole holiday.
And i have to pass it to Dong Kun tmr.
This song really relates to my life so much that im shocked to see the lyrics the first time.
Yeah, tell mii what the fuck is wrong with mii.

You see Haziq, is YOUR album that you lent mii that got mii so immensed in my own world that i couldnt pull myself out.
Not that you lent mii the disc that caused you to sit around girls for the rest of the term.

The song playing currently in this blog is Valentine's Day, also by Linkin Park.
That is the song that caused me to be emo early in the morning, on the way to school.
And then all went downhill from there.
I forgot to bring apron.
I broke the mirror during science experiment. Again.
(Rmb last yr i broke a testtube?)
I didnt do zhou ji.
And all together, some other reasons, which questioned mii again.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MII AND MY THINKING?

I almost lost control of myself during D&T.
All emotions were overwhelming inside mii.
Boiling, waiting to burst out, explode.
I was breathing really hard.
And staring very hard, straight ahead.
I cant get my mind straight.

Skip, skip, skip.
After school supposingly, Min Lin, Jasper, Alex and i were going to gym.
Some person's idea wanted to play bball.
But i really dont wanna go under the sun.
But after Alex went for Malay, we went to gym.
Ah, air con!
My first run was relaxing.
I should have run longer.
And faster.
I lost my stamina in the second run.

Yeah, muscles weigh heavier than fats.
But at least its healthier than fats.
No wonder my weight never go down.
All 4 of us skipped lunch.
Somemore we still exercised, okay, with vanilla coke =)

I cant stop drinking water when i reached home.
In total, i drank half a carton of chocolate milk today.

And joyce, your tiramisu sweet went missing in the refrigerator!
Someone in the hse must have seen it and ate it.
But anyway thanks for the cookie!
Or chocolate mash you called that.
Estalla and MY creation =)
Changi airport and Craig's church, yesterday
Craig was wearing green shirt in advance to Live Earth on 7 July.
Grace.
I was scribbling while the pastor or priest or whatever was talking. Doodling, ya know.
And i didnt realize the pen was Craig's cell group leader's. Thought was Craig's, waste more ink better.